Have you ever been so happy that you have nothing to say?
I have been for the past few days. I have a boyfriend who loves me, a life in college that I can look forward to, and a new life in America that I'm getting ready to start.
To be perfectly honest, I still am pretty esctatic. I just wanted to put an update up here so that no one would think that I've died. Again.
25.7.11
19.7.11
Details of the Day
Today is a happy smiley day. No, not like "Yay! Happiness and smiley faces are falling from the sky! Everyone have a kitten!" More like I'm sitting content on my bed with a book, a pad of paper, and my laptop. I've conversed with all my friends, had an epic battle with a fly, and nearly gouged out my eyes after the hotsauce incident.
Don't worry, I'll get to each.
First: friends. I was reading an old conversation I was having on a groupchat and realized my bestest best friend in the whole wide world thought I was moving to Jersey. Needless to say I laughed and proceeded to torture him. Went something like this*:
Me: So, wait: since when am I moving to Jersey?
Him: What?
Me: You were telling Piratadelibertad that I was moving to Jersey.
I can't go to Jersey: Tape's from Jersey.
Told me too many horror stories.
Him: So where ARE you going?
Me: Dude, what's the name of the college I'm going to?
Him: ...
Me: Exactly. Why would I be attending Penn State in Jersey?
Him: *walks away*
Me: XDDDD
So the teasing begins. Needless to say, I will never be letting him forget that moment.
(* IM convo is paraphrased, so it's not word for word accurate and I may have skipped some parts.)
Now for the fly. This irritating insect is DETERMINED to harrass me whenever I get on the computer. Every. Single. Time. Laptop opens, bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz! There goes the fly! No manner of swatting, swearing, or swishy-hand-motions-of-death have detered its efforts as of yet. Just wait though. I'll get the little bastard.
...
Eventually.
Anyway, today I made Charley's style sandwhiches for lunch. In the process of making them, I accidentally got Texas Pete on my hand. I didn't want to burn the food, so I just let it be, intending to wash it off my hands when I finished. Except...
I forgot.
And OF COURSE I proceeded to rub my eyes with the hand that had hot sauce on it. Leaving me a whimpering mess on the floor. Oh, the curses that flew from my lips! I wish I'd written some of them down, 'cuz they were so original and colorful and now I can't remember what they were. :C
But ANEHWAYZ! After I recovered from hotsauce in the eyes, I once again forgot about washing my hands. Leading to yet another therapy session with the floor.
How does this translate to having a good day you ask? I have no idea. I just kinda laughed all the way through it I guess.
Anywho, I'm off to talk to my bf/bf person.
Don't worry, I'll get to each.
First: friends. I was reading an old conversation I was having on a groupchat and realized my bestest best friend in the whole wide world thought I was moving to Jersey. Needless to say I laughed and proceeded to torture him. Went something like this*:
Me: So, wait: since when am I moving to Jersey?
Him: What?
Me: You were telling Piratadelibertad that I was moving to Jersey.
I can't go to Jersey: Tape's from Jersey.
Told me too many horror stories.
Him: So where ARE you going?
Me: Dude, what's the name of the college I'm going to?
Him: ...
Me: Exactly. Why would I be attending Penn State in Jersey?
Him: *walks away*
Me: XDDDD
So the teasing begins. Needless to say, I will never be letting him forget that moment.
(* IM convo is paraphrased, so it's not word for word accurate and I may have skipped some parts.)
Now for the fly. This irritating insect is DETERMINED to harrass me whenever I get on the computer. Every. Single. Time. Laptop opens, bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz! There goes the fly! No manner of swatting, swearing, or swishy-hand-motions-of-death have detered its efforts as of yet. Just wait though. I'll get the little bastard.
...
Eventually.
Anyway, today I made Charley's style sandwhiches for lunch. In the process of making them, I accidentally got Texas Pete on my hand. I didn't want to burn the food, so I just let it be, intending to wash it off my hands when I finished. Except...
I forgot.
And OF COURSE I proceeded to rub my eyes with the hand that had hot sauce on it. Leaving me a whimpering mess on the floor. Oh, the curses that flew from my lips! I wish I'd written some of them down, 'cuz they were so original and colorful and now I can't remember what they were. :C
But ANEHWAYZ! After I recovered from hotsauce in the eyes, I once again forgot about washing my hands. Leading to yet another therapy session with the floor.
How does this translate to having a good day you ask? I have no idea. I just kinda laughed all the way through it I guess.
Anywho, I'm off to talk to my bf/bf person.
Hairstyles
A haircut is an outward expression of what a person wants to be like. Whether that's edgy or elegant, funky, emo, sleek, whatever! And now, after a few years of having the same one, I'm looking for a new expression.
I have no idea how to choose. I want something rebellious, something that is subtly individualistic, without it screaming "HEY, LOOK AT ME!" to the world.
Just talking about this makes me realize how focused I am on discovering and expressing myself. I say that I'm comfortable with who I am, yet I keep studying and analyzing. I wonder if this is contradictory to that statement or conforming with it.
I have no idea how to choose. I want something rebellious, something that is subtly individualistic, without it screaming "HEY, LOOK AT ME!" to the world.
Just talking about this makes me realize how focused I am on discovering and expressing myself. I say that I'm comfortable with who I am, yet I keep studying and analyzing. I wonder if this is contradictory to that statement or conforming with it.
18.7.11
Letters
I've been writing letters to friends stateside lately. The process itself is... well, let's just say that is very revealing as to what my priorities are.
Have you ever noticed that the one reason someone writes a letter is usually the last thing they say? It is the same with a phone call or email. I hadn't realized this until I sealed the envelope on my latest letter.
I've noticed that when writing I have a tendency of being more open with my concern for the approval of other people. Though, maybe approval isn't the right word. I should say, rather, that I seem to strive for balance and spare no energy or method in the effort to avoid any semblance of conflict. Even without knowing the other person's opinion, I try to placate theoretical hurt or offended feelings.
While sarcasm, pessimism, and a dry humor pervade my verbal communications, as though I'm trying to assert authority, or in the least, seperation from the casual hierarchy of my peers. I try to model myself as a person who demands respect, but the opposite is evident from my written communiques. When writing, whether on IM or in long-hand letters, I tend to be submissive. Any arguement is half-hearted and I quickly defer to the other's opinions.
People who know me well haven't seemed to have picked up on this pattern. There have been frequent incidences, for example, when talking to my best friend during which he takes an approval-seeking/preemptively-placating comment as sarcasm and so takes offence, much to my alarm. It seems that this tendency revealed in my writing conveys, rather than a need to have the Alpha position, a desire to have the Beta, or lieutenant, role.
I find this interesting, and I shall be sure to explore this observation to see if it holds true in other areas.
Have you ever noticed that the one reason someone writes a letter is usually the last thing they say? It is the same with a phone call or email. I hadn't realized this until I sealed the envelope on my latest letter.
I've noticed that when writing I have a tendency of being more open with my concern for the approval of other people. Though, maybe approval isn't the right word. I should say, rather, that I seem to strive for balance and spare no energy or method in the effort to avoid any semblance of conflict. Even without knowing the other person's opinion, I try to placate theoretical hurt or offended feelings.
While sarcasm, pessimism, and a dry humor pervade my verbal communications, as though I'm trying to assert authority, or in the least, seperation from the casual hierarchy of my peers. I try to model myself as a person who demands respect, but the opposite is evident from my written communiques. When writing, whether on IM or in long-hand letters, I tend to be submissive. Any arguement is half-hearted and I quickly defer to the other's opinions.
People who know me well haven't seemed to have picked up on this pattern. There have been frequent incidences, for example, when talking to my best friend during which he takes an approval-seeking/preemptively-placating comment as sarcasm and so takes offence, much to my alarm. It seems that this tendency revealed in my writing conveys, rather than a need to have the Alpha position, a desire to have the Beta, or lieutenant, role.
I find this interesting, and I shall be sure to explore this observation to see if it holds true in other areas.
12.7.11
Trier
Today was a pretty good day, all in all, though it did have it's moments. My sisters, my friend, and I all took the train down to Trier for a day away from home and to shop. At the station, I sat down and the coins on the sash that I was wearing got stuck in the seats just as the train pulled up. Some of the coins came off, but hey! Stuff like that happens and I can always fix it.
We got to Trier and went to our favourite stores. I finally succumbed to the feminine side of me and bought a purse/bag/satchel/thingy, but I have to admit that it was mostly due to my mother's nagging to do so. I also found a cropped leather military style jacket. I've been searching for this jacket ever since I first saw one in 5th grade. Pathetic, I know, but if I've wanted one for this many years, then I obviously want it enough to buy it.
We decided to wander about the Galleria and get our traditional ice cream cones (we go to this one ice cream place every time we go to Trier). Which was fine until I got to the counter and the girl who served my sisters was replaced by a guy. Who smiled at me.
Now, I'm not going all "OMAHGAWD! A guy smiled at ME!" I'm going, "Oh shit, oh shit, ohshitohshitohshit." I couldn't talk right, look the guy in the eye or anything. And I felt really bad, 'cause I know from experience that customers who do this are incredibly difficult to understand. To be honest, I can't even say what the guy looked like. It was simply a horridly awkward moment for me.
Well, enough about that then. We wandered about Trier for a few more hours while it rained off and on. It was odd, but I felt like I was saying good-bye. I hope that I can go again before I leave. I might ask a friend of mine to go with me to visit the museums and such one last time soon. Who knows.
Continued:
I fell asleep while typing yesterday. Didn't wake up until about 5:30 this afternoon. I'm a bit ridiculous. xD Anyway, I'm in the middle of a Harry Potter marathon.
We got to Trier and went to our favourite stores. I finally succumbed to the feminine side of me and bought a purse/bag/satchel/thingy, but I have to admit that it was mostly due to my mother's nagging to do so. I also found a cropped leather military style jacket. I've been searching for this jacket ever since I first saw one in 5th grade. Pathetic, I know, but if I've wanted one for this many years, then I obviously want it enough to buy it.
We decided to wander about the Galleria and get our traditional ice cream cones (we go to this one ice cream place every time we go to Trier). Which was fine until I got to the counter and the girl who served my sisters was replaced by a guy. Who smiled at me.
Now, I'm not going all "OMAHGAWD! A guy smiled at ME!" I'm going, "Oh shit, oh shit, ohshitohshitohshit." I couldn't talk right, look the guy in the eye or anything. And I felt really bad, 'cause I know from experience that customers who do this are incredibly difficult to understand. To be honest, I can't even say what the guy looked like. It was simply a horridly awkward moment for me.
Well, enough about that then. We wandered about Trier for a few more hours while it rained off and on. It was odd, but I felt like I was saying good-bye. I hope that I can go again before I leave. I might ask a friend of mine to go with me to visit the museums and such one last time soon. Who knows.
Continued:
I fell asleep while typing yesterday. Didn't wake up until about 5:30 this afternoon. I'm a bit ridiculous. xD Anyway, I'm in the middle of a Harry Potter marathon.
10.7.11
Rediscovery
I was looking through a list of all my accounts on various sites, and I noticed that I had a blog. I was curious, so I went to investigate. I only found four posts, but those four posts were enough to tell me how much I've grown.
I was lonely, scared, and unsure. I thought that a tough, who-the-hell-cares attitude would make me cool, or feel less insecure.
I'd like to say that I've grown up, emotionally. Mentally too maybe. I've changed a lot, that's for sure.
So, now that I've 'rediscovered' myself, I want to continue with this blog so that, when I'm ready to move on to the next stage of my life, I can look back and see who I used to be.
I was lonely, scared, and unsure. I thought that a tough, who-the-hell-cares attitude would make me cool, or feel less insecure.
I'd like to say that I've grown up, emotionally. Mentally too maybe. I've changed a lot, that's for sure.
So, now that I've 'rediscovered' myself, I want to continue with this blog so that, when I'm ready to move on to the next stage of my life, I can look back and see who I used to be.
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