Letters

I've been writing letters to friends stateside lately. The process itself is... well, let's just say that is very revealing as to what my priorities are.
Have you ever noticed that the one reason someone writes a letter is usually the last thing they say? It is the same with a phone call or email. I hadn't realized this until I sealed the envelope on my latest letter.
I've noticed that when writing I have a tendency of being more open with my concern for the approval of other people. Though, maybe approval isn't the right word. I should say, rather, that I seem to strive for balance and spare no energy or method in the effort to avoid any semblance of conflict. Even without knowing the other person's opinion, I try to placate theoretical hurt or offended feelings.
While sarcasm, pessimism, and a dry humor pervade my verbal communications, as though I'm trying to assert authority, or in the least, seperation from the casual hierarchy of my peers. I try to model myself as a person who demands respect, but the opposite is evident from my written communiques. When writing, whether on IM or in long-hand letters, I tend to be submissive. Any arguement is half-hearted and I quickly defer to the other's opinions.
People who know me well haven't seemed to have picked up on this pattern. There have been frequent incidences, for example, when talking to my best friend during which he takes an approval-seeking/preemptively-placating comment as sarcasm and so takes offence, much to my alarm. It seems that this tendency revealed in my writing conveys, rather than a need to have the Alpha position, a desire to have the Beta, or lieutenant, role.
I find this interesting, and I shall be sure to explore this observation to see if it holds true in other areas.